


Heart Craters, Filled With Light

by dustoftheancients



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Family Bonding, Finn Skywalker, First Christmas, Holidays, but it's minor and more of a plot device, minor Christmas fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustoftheancients/pseuds/dustoftheancients
Summary: Rey has never been able to celebrate Christmas before. Kylo can't help but become a little invested.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KagamiSorciere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/gifts).



> This story wouldn't have ever come together without the help of my sister. Sis, you're awesome, you rock, I owe you big time, etc.
> 
> Happy Holidays!

It was the most beautiful house Rey had ever seen. 

 

The first thing that had come into view was a giant tree, the kind that had stood sentinel over that spot for hundreds of years, stretching itself over everything as if it was shielding the land from the sky. Then the road curved, and the tree revealed the breathtaking sight behind it. 

 

There were rows and rows of windows stretched out across two very long stories. Dark shutters lined the windows, which served to make the grey house look pale even against the snow. A gorgeous front porch was held up by classic white pillars, shielding the large double-door entrance. Bushes lined the house, frozen and covered with snow, and a ways past the house Rey could just make out a frozen lake peeking out from between the trees. 

 

It took her breath away. 

 

“Your family owns this place?” She breathed, leaning forward in her seat. 

 

Finn, who hated driving in the snow and had been grumbling since they'd left the city, only spared the place a glance. He had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel as he started up the long driveway. 

 

“Well, Leia does,” he said. 

 

“She's your aunt, right?” 

 

He pressed his lips together and nodded. “Uh, yeah. Yep. She's–Luke’s sister.” 

 

 _Luke,_ not _Dad._ She knew it was still weird for him, that even after a year and a half of being in each other’s lives, calling Luke his father made him uncomfortable. 

 

She could see he was trying, though. They both were – hence the invitation to officially join in on the annual family holiday get-together. Luke had invited him last year, but Finn hadn't wanted to go. He'd been too nervous, he told her. 

 

He was _still_ nervous, but that was why she was there. 

 

“As my plus-one,” he'd said, “and as backup just in case this goes really south.” 

 

She'd jumped at the chance, and it wasn't just because she wanted to support her friend in connecting with his family. Spending a whole week with her best friend at a beautiful house outside the city? 

 

It already sounded better than any of the other Christmas holidays she'd had. 

 

And she figured that Finn knew that, too. 

 

He pulled up next to Luke’s old Chrysler and turned off the car. “Ready?” 

 

She nodded. “Yeah, are you?” 

 

Still gripping the steering wheel, he turned and finally took in the house. It was so beautiful, Rey could hardly wait to see the inside. 

 

“That is one large-ass house,” he mumbled. 

 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She nudged him. 

 

“Uh-huh, sure.” He climbed out of the car in almost a daze. Rey followed suit, immediately assaulted by a rush of freezing wind as she opened the car door. 

 

Grabbing their bags, they started to make their way over to the front door. Before they had even reached the porch steps, both doors flew open to reveal Luke in all of his winter glory, decked-out in a decidedly Christmas-themed sweater and a red scarf lined in tiny bells. 

 

He looked – well, he looked _festive._  

 

“Finn, Rey, I'm glad you guys could make it,” he grinned. 

 

Finn smiled. “Hey, Luke.” 

 

“Thanks for inviting me,” Rey added. 

 

“Of course,” he ushered them both in, “you're nearly as much a part of the family as Finn is, in my book. Besides, if this is your first Christmas, then I want to pull out all the stops.”

 

“How did-” She trailed off, throwing Finn a glare.

 

His smile was entirely guilty. “I may have mention that this is your first time really celebrating Christmas.”

 

She didn’t respond, but her look promised that she would make him pay later.

 

“Luke, shut the door.” Leia called over from the dining room, where she was setting down plates around the table.  

 

“Yes, Leia,” he rolled his eyes. 

 

“Hey, Leia,” Finn called, giving her a little wave. “Thanks for letting us come.” 

 

She set down the last plate and walked over to pull Finn into a hug. “Don't be ridiculous, you're family,” she smiled. 

 

He gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah.” 

 

Rey could hardly believe the inside of the house. A moment ago, she would've said that it couldn't have been any more beautiful than the exterior, but she was wrong. Dark wood floors, vaulted ceilings, and French moldings made the house appear almost regal. 

 

That wasn't to mention the Christmas decorations, which looked professionally done. 

 

To Rey it looked like a palace that had decorated for winter. She could barely believe that anyone owned a house like that. 

 

And it smelled like dinner. 

 

“Your house is amazing,” she breathed, trying to take it all in at once. 

 

Leia seemed decidedly less impressed with it, but thanked her anyway. 

 

“It's a disaster waiting to happen.” 

 

Rey didn't really know what to say to that, so she just smiled. 

 

Luke and Leia took them to where their rooms were, on the second level and down at the end of the hall. The rooms were right across from each other, which was nice since Rey would've felt intimidated if she'd been left in a corner of the house by herself. 

 

“It doesn't matter which one gets which,” Leia told them, “the only real difference is the view.” 

 

Finn looked to her for some direction, but she just shrugged. 

 

“You can take the one with the view of the lake,” she offered. The other room only had a view of the trees in the front yard, but that was more than enough for her. Views didn't really matter all that much. 

 

He shrugged. “Whichever one you don't want.” 

 

She walked into the room with the view of the trees and set her bag down. 

 

A movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Outside, there was an old, beat-up RV driving up to the house. By the way she could see it shuddering as it ran even from her distance, she wasn't sure it would make it the entire way. 

 

She frowned.

 

Luke walked over to her and smiled. 

 

“Looks like Chewie’s here,” he said to his sister over his shoulder. 

 

Leia nodded. “Alright, I'll go get him settled in.” She turned and left. 

 

They rest of them made their way down a short time after, with Luke stopping to show them every single room along the way. It was considerate of him, but Rey knew that there was no way she could keep track of which door led where. 

 

He passed by only one door on their tour. She didn't think anything of it, but Finn paused. 

 

“What's that room?” 

 

Luke paused and looked back. An odd look passed over his face, one she didn't know him well enough to read. 

 

“Oh. That was Ben’s room. We don't usually use it.” 

 

He spoke as if they were supposed to know who _Ben_ was. Finn appeared to have some idea – or at least he picked up on the same somber vibe that she did – because he just nodded and let it drop. 

 

Chewie turned out to be the best friend that Han had always used to mention. She hadn't had many occasions to meet the man, but every time she had he'd had some crazy story that involved the giant of a man in front of her. 

 

She thought that he must've been close to seven feet tall – if not taller. Chewie came up to her and Finn and wrapped his arms around them in a giant bear-hug. He was a pretty hairy guy, she noted. 

 

“Hey, big guy,” Luke called from behind them, “it's been a while.” 

 

“Yes it has,” Chewie nodded, “too long.” He released them to instead offer his bear-hug to Luke, who accepted the offer with a grin. 

 

“Have you gotten your stuff settled in?” He asked when they finally let go of each other. 

 

Chewie shook his head. “My stuff is still in the Falcon.” 

 

“Then I'll help you grab it.” 

 

While Luke helped Chewie get settled in, Leia finished their tour of the house. There were two bathrooms on each floor, and that didn't even include the ones attached to each of the bedrooms. Each was decorated in a different color scheme. 

 

It seemed impossibly rich, somehow, to have so many spare bathrooms. 

  

The sound of a car driving towards the house drew her attention away. She frowned and checked her watch. Humming to herself, she turned back towards Rey and Finn. 

 

“Excuse me for a moment. You two feel free to do anything you want, and please get comfortable–we’re all family here.” 

 

With that, she turned and went back downstairs. 

 

The watched her go in silence, but as soon as she disappeared Finn spun back towards Rey. 

 

“Well?” He asked, “What do you think?” 

 

“About what?” She chuckled. 

 

He made a face. “You know, about–well, about being here. Does it seem weird to you? I mean–it does, doesn't it?” 

 

She shrugged. “Not really. I think Luke and Leia are excited that you're here.” 

 

He was silent for a moment, looking a little unconvinced. 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes,” she nodded, “really. I think you're overthinking this.” 

 

Finn scrubbed his hand over his face. “You're probably right, I just-” 

 

A noise – not quite a gasp or a sob – came from the front of the house, just loud enough to hear from the hallway. 

 

“Did you hear that?” Rey asked. 

 

Finn nodded. “Yeah, I did.” He paused. “Who do you think it was that came to the house just now?” 

 

She wasn't really sure if she was actually supposed to answer that, so she just followed Finn.

 

Leia stood facing in the foyer, facing the front door. They couldn't see who was at the door from their angle, but whoever it was had caused a reaction. Her hand was clamped over her mouth, and the other over her heart. Luke and Chewie stood not far off, both with a wide-eyes expression. 

 

Rey exchanged a look with Finn. 

 

“Ben, it’s-” Leia breathed. 

 

Rey blinked. _Ben?_  

 

“It's Kylo, mother.” 

 

It was a surprisingly deep voice. 

 

She exchanged another look with Finn, who looked both surprised and wary. 

 

Leia nodded. “Right, of course. Chewie had mentioned–but I wasn't getting my hopes up,” she trailed off as she stepped towards the door and out of their line-of-sight. 

 

A part of Rey wanted to leave, to allow Leia and her family a moment to themselves. It seemed like a terribly private moment. 

 

But Finn stepped forward – and he was a part of the family, too, wasn't he? She followed after him. 

 

The man standing in the doorway was – well, he was tall _._ Black was obviously his color of choice. And there was a quality to his face that made Rey think that he felt very much all the time, that there was some inner well of emotion that was always trying to push its way to the surface. 

 

Something in his eyes, maybe. 

 

He stood very still as Leia approached him. 

 

It looked like he might cry. 

 

Then his eyes snapped over to her and Finn. His expression closed off and his spine stiffened. 

 

“Who are you?” He snapped. 

 

Rey blinked. 

 

Leia smiled and introduced them, Finn as “Luke’s son,” and Rey as “as good as family.” 

 

The man – Ben or Kylo – gave them a look that told them in no uncertain terms what he thought about that. He didn’t say anything, but he ignored them. Leia insisted on helping him settle in. He only had one bag, so she just led him upstairs.

 

Luke lingered behind with the rest of them. “It’s been longer than I care to remember since I last saw him here,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. Chewie nodded. For a moment, he just stared up the stairs, lost in thought. Then he pulled himself together with a great sigh.

 

A smile spread across his face, and he gave Rey a nudge. “Well, this is exciting, isn’t it? The whole family is here, so operation ‘Rey’s First Christmas’ can begin.”

 

She quirked her eyebrow and tried to look enthusiastic. She wouldn’t exactly call Kylo’s arrival a sign of good holiday memories to come. If anything, it felt like they had just witnessed the edge of some very messy family history. But Luke seemed excited, so she tried to, too.

 

She smiled. “Can’t wait.”

* * *

 

At dinner that night, Rey tried very hard not to seem as if she was staring at Luke’s mysterious nephew. For the most part she managed to keep her eyes away. But when she finally gave in and glanced over at him, he was looking right at her. Studying her.

 

She looked away first.

* * *

 

The first order of business in operation ‘Rey’s First Christmas’ was to buy a Christmas tree. Leia had cleared the most strategic corner of the living room in preparation, and it was just waiting for the final Christmas center-piece. It was a family tradition to only get the tree after the entire family had gathered. The siblings made everyone get up early the next day so that they’d have the best pick. No one else seemed to feel the same urgency, because how many people could possibly buy a Christmas tree before ten o’clock? Still, they all got dressed and shuffled towards the cars, even if only so Leia wouldn’t get agitated.

 

“You’ll love it,” Luke assured Rey with a wink. “The trees are beautiful, they smell amazing, and it’s usually the only thing this family can agree on.”

 

That last bit didn’t do much to reassure her, but she stretched her lips into a smile and nodded.

 

“Can’t wait.”

 

On the way out the door, she grabbed Finn by the sleeve and pulled him aside. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I didn’t mean for any of the focus to shift to me. This week should be about you and Luke.”

 

He shook his head and smiled. “No, I’m actually really glad that you’ve sort of taken the spotlight. It makes me feel like I’m under less of a microscope.” He patted her hand. “So thanks.”

 

“Well then,” she rolled her eyes, “what are friends for.”

 

He laughed and headed towards the cars.

 

“Okay, gang, let’s get on the road.” Luke climbed into his old truck with the energy of someone at least ten years younger. Leia rolled her eyes and slid into the driver’s seat of her Lexus. Chewie got in the passenger seat.

 

Finn hesitated, glancing between Luke’s truck and back at Rey. The question was obvious in his gaze.

 

She nodded towards the truck. “You should go with Luke,” she spoke lowly. That was the whole point of them going; he needed to take the opportunity to bond with his father.

 

After another moment of hesitation, he nodded. Flinging open the passenger door, he quickly climbed into the truck and slammed the door shut. Through the windshield, she could see Luke’s face light up as he turned the key in the ignition. The truck sputtered to life. It sounded almost as bad as the Falcon.

 

That only left her a spot in the backseat of Leia’s car, she supposed. It was bound to be a bit awkward. Doable, but awkward.

 

She reevaluated her assessment when she slid in the backseat – right next to Kylo. They made uncomfortable eye-contact. For a moment he just scowled at her in stony silence, then he pointedly looked away. It was an obvious brush-off.

 

Rey quietly scoffed and buckled her seatbelt.

 

Every muscle in her body tensed at being so close to, to – she didn’t know quite _what_ he was. The family black sheep? They wayward son? There was obviously a long story behind the tension that permeated the car simply by his being there. She was pretty sure that she didn’t want to know what it was.

 

His mother glanced at him in the rearview mirror every few minutes the entire way there. He kept his gaze firmly fixed out the window. He was too large for the backseat. Chewie kept fiddling with the radio.

 

Rey kept her fingers wedged between her legs and tried to mind her own business.

 

No one spoke a word the entire way to the tree farm.

 

She wasn’t ashamed to admit that she flat out ran over to Finn and Luke when she climbed out of the car. She just needed to get _away_ from the suffocating tension in the car. Luke, who mistook her energy for enthusiasm, grinned and suggested that they all split up to find the perfect tree.

 

“It’s out there, we just have to find it.”

 

The rest of their group had exited Leia’s car at a much more reasonable pace. Leia rolled her eyes. Chewie nodded, matching Luke’s grin. “We’ll find it.”

 

“That’s the spirit.” Luke beckoned his son, who looked a little confused, “Come on, Finn, let’s go find that tree.”

 

Finn blinked. “Oh. Uh, okay, yeah.” He started to follow after Luke, who was already disappearing between the trees. He snatched Rey’s wrist on the way. “Come on, Rey.”

 

She happily went along.

 

“I guess I’ll be the one to talk to the owner, then,” Leia called after them. She got the feeling that it usually worked out like that.

 

The farm had an even larger selection of trees than she had expected; there were so many rows of Christmas trees it almost seemed like a small forest. How Luke could ever think that they’d actually run _out_ of trees was anyone’s guess. It seemed like there were enough trees for an entire town.

 

By the time they found Luke, he had already picked out two potential Christmas trees.

 

They had to be two of the ugliest trees there.

 

“Okay, you two. Rey, since this is your first official Christmas, you get the deciding vote,” Luke went from one tree to the other, studying the flaws on each one. There were _many_ , although by the look on his face she seriously doubted he actually saw any of them. He placed his hands on his hips. “Which one do you like better? Finn?”

 

She honestly would have liked any of the other trees besides the two in front of her better. “Uh,” she looked over at Finn for help.

 

He made a face and cleared his throat. “I don’t think-”

 

“Maybe something…bigger?” She suggested, “You know, since Leia’s living room is so big.”

 

Luke nodded. “That’s a good thought. Okay, we’ll something else. The perfect tree is still out there.”

 

He moved on, Rey and Finn trailing behind. They shared a look and a sigh of relief.

 

Which was – as it turned out – premature.

 

It quickly became apparent that it was Luke’s modus operandi to pick out the ugliest trees in the entire farm.  If it was bent, short, and had only a sparse smattering of needles, then Luke was drawn to it. It was the kind of thing that made Rey wonder how he managed to stop himself from adopting every stray animal he came across.

 

She found it endearing.

 

But the trees he picked out were still _awful_.

 

“How about this one?” He presented them with yet another potential ‘perfect’ tree. It was taller than the others had been, but that was just about the only thing it had going for it. It looked abysmal next to the other options, entirely bare of needles in a few spots.

 

“I mean, it’s – tall,” Finn offered weakly.

 

Luke looked up at it. “Yes, it is. It’ll look perfect in Leia’s living room.”

 

Rey was certain that Leia would have a different opinion of that particular image.

 

“That is the ugliest tree I have ever seen.”

 

Kylo appeared right next to her, arms crossed with a look of utter contempt plastered across his face. She jumped, immediately putting another couple of inches between them.

 

She was instantly irritated.

 

“Well, I like it,” she poke without really thinking. It just seemed very important in that moment to contradict him, both because he was an _ass_ and to spare Luke’s feelings in the face of – well, because his nephew was an _ass_.

 

He looked at her like she had said something crazy.

 

“Ah! Well, you _do_ get the final say.” Luke nodded, totally unfazed by his nephew’s mood. “You three stay here, I’ll go tell Leia that we decided on a tree.”

 

Kylo didn’t pay him any attention, his gaze still solidly locked with Rey’s. “Why?” He demanded, “There’s nothing attractive about it.”

 

“It’s – it’s got _character_ ,” She insisted hotly.

 

He just scoffed.

 

She didn’t know why she was so insistent about it, but the fact that Kylo disliked it so vehemently made her combative. She turned towards her friend with a huff. “You like it, too, don’t you, Finn?”

 

The look on his face clearly told them that _no,_ he didn’t, but sensing his friend’s mood, he just nodded. “Whatever you say, Rey.”

 

Kylo rolled his eyes. He was so much taller than her – and even Finn – she couldn’t help but feel that he was looming. It was unintentionally threatening. Or, at least, she assumed it was unintentional.

 

It only made her square her shoulders and lift her chin. She opened her mouth to offer a comeback, but Leia beat her to it.

 

“You’ve become absolutely charming over the years, son. What a relief.” The sarcasm was only softened by the exasperated fondness in her smile as she came from between the trees.

 

He did not look amused.

 

Leia brought with her both Luke and the owner of the farm, who carried an ax to cut the tree down with. Luke shook his head at Kylo as he pointed their choice out to the owner. The man who looked more than a little surprised at their pick, but hurried to chop the tree down all the same. Probably before they could change their minds.

 

“It’s okay, Kylo.” Luke arched his brows, “Not everyone can recognize true beauty.”

 

Kylo frowned at his uncle. “I’m entirely capable of recognizing beauty, Luke.”

 

His gaze flickered over to her then, for just a breath, before he snapped his gaze away. Almost like it had been involuntary. It made her distinctly uncomfortable.

 

Luke smirked like he knew something the rest of them did not. “Yes, but can you _appreciate_ it?”

 

Everyone dropped it after that. Rey was thankful for it.

 

It didn’t take long for the owner to cut down their tree. Leia had apparently already paid for it, so all that was left was to collect Chewie – who they called and was all of the way on the opposite side of the farm – and to strap the tree to the bed of Luke’s truck. Leia gave Rey her the keys to her car and went to get Chewie. The rest of them were left to carry the tree back to where Luke had parked his truck.

 

“Why don’t we let Kylo do the heavy-lifting from here,” Luke suggested as he fished out his keys, “since he can’t see the tree’s true beauty.”

 

“That makes no sense,” Kylo scowled, although he still caught the hiking rope that Luke tossed him. But since the only other two there were Finn and Rey, no one else stood up for him.

 

Luke climbed into his truck and turned it on so that the engine could warm up. With only a quick glance at Rey, Finn followed. Ignoring Kylo, Rey went on to where Leia’s car was parked so that she could do the same. Leaning across the driver’s seat, she turned the key in the ignition and turned the heater up. She fully intended to climb in the backseat, she had one leg already inside the car – but she hesitated.

 

She watched as Kylo hefted the tree onto Luke’s truck bed with less effort than she would’ve expected. He was stronger than she thought.

 

He was also an asshole. He didn’t deserve her help.

 

And yet – she groaned, irritated, and pulled her leg back out of the car. She slammed the door shut. She trudged back over to him, not bothering to restrain her frown as she approached.

 

“Do you want help?”

 

He gave the tree one last shove so that the tree was more securely on the truck. Little green needles scattered on ground and in the truck bed with his careless handling. “Do what you want.” He didn’t even look up.

 

She almost turned around and marched herself right back to Leia’s car. If that was the way he wanted to play it, let him do all the work alone. She didn’t care.

 

He was an ass.

 

A huff of frustration escaped her. She had no idea why she didn’t move. “Toss me the end of the rope.”

 

Kylo’s gaze flickered up to her as he pushed his dark hair out of his face. He blinked – and then he did as she said. They worked together in silence, quickly strapping the tree down. She wanted to ask if the roped was going to chafe off too many of the needles – God knew they needed to keep as many on the tree was they could manage – but she didn’t want to ask _him_ , so she didn’t say anything. They tied the last fastening, and he gave it a couple of quick tugs to make sure it would stay secure.

 

Rey couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at the corners of her lips as she took a step back. This was their Christmas tree.

 

Her _first_ Christmas tree.

 

“Do you really like the tree?”

 

She spun on him, ready to put him in his place for continuously judging her, but the words fizzled out behind her lips. He looked genuinely curious. Still obviously off-put by her taste, but he didn’t look like he was ridiculing her.

 

Releasing her breath with a shrug, she turned back towards the tree.

 

“It’s growing on me,” she said.

 

His tone was flat. “Is that supposed to be a joke?”

 

She blinked at him in confusion – then she got it. She gave one short laugh, more of a huff than anything else. His expression was closed off as he stared at her. Like he was gauging her reaction, or something.

 

“It’s _hideous_ ,” he reiterated, like she might have forgotten it.

 

The urge to hit him was nearly overwhelming. Without another word, she turned and stomped back to Leia’s car. He didn’t join her until Leia and Chewie arrived.

* * *

 

The ride back to the house was blessedly shorter. Kylo stared out the window the entire time, his arms crossed over his chest. It still felt like he took up too much of the backseat. Leia kept glancing at him in the rearview mirror. Rey only glanced over twice.

 

Chewie finally settled on a station that was playing punk-rock versions of classic Christmas songs.

 

“Change the station,” Leia snapped. He promptly did, settling for a station with more traditional holiday songs.

 

It was the only thing anyone said.

* * *

 

When they got back to the house everyone pitched in to help carry the tree inside, sparing Kylo another round of his uncle’s strange sense of vindictive justice. Getting the tree through the door and set up in its designated place was no problem at all. The problem was that Chewie accidently knocked a picture off the wall in the process.

 

No one spoke for a moment. Both Chewie and Luke slowly looked over at Leia to see what her reaction would be. Luke’s son cringed. Rey kept her eyes fixed on the shattered photo – an old family picture, maybe thirty-seven or thirty-eight years ago. Well before he had been born. She had a strange expression on her face.

 

His mother had a dangerously neutral expression on hers.

 

“It’s fine,” she said. When she saw everyone’s faces, she, added, “I’m not mad. We’ll just clean it up and get a new frame.”

 

They all gave her a wide berth after that, anyway. Everyone except for Chewie, who had to abandon the tree and help her clean up the shattered mess.

 

Luke – predictably – abandoned Kylo, Finn, and Rey right as they were setting up the tree to go grab the boxes of decorations from one of the storage closets. The two friends help it in place as Kylo screwed the trunk into the tree stand. He had to bend down at an irritating angle so that the branches didn’t get in his face.

 

When he was finished, Rey stepped back to survey it. “I don’t know how she does it,” she muttered.

 

Her friend glanced over. “Does what?”

 

“The placement, it’s,” she gestured vaguely towards that tree, “I don’t know, it looks good where it is. Everything looks good.”

 

Kylo glanced over at the tree. He didn’t see it. If anything, it made the room look _worse_ , not better. Finn scoffed beside her.

 

“Yeah, but it’s still an ugly tree.”

 

“It’s disgusting,” Kylo added.

 

She narrowed her eyes at him and put her hands on her hips. “At least there aren’t any other trees to compare it to here,” she said, as if that was actually something. “That makes it look a little better.”

 

“Sure, Rey,” Finn shook his head.

 

Kylo just gave her a blank stare.

 

She frowned in return.

 

“Okay, gang, here we go.” Luke emerged from down the hall holding two large storage bins labelled _x-mas tree_. He remembered most of what was in there, although he was fairly certain there used to be more of it. Maybe his mother had thrown out some of it.

 

He hoped that she had thrown out all of his ornaments.

 

Luke set the boxes down on one of the couches with as much care as he could manage. “It doesn’t matter which ornaments you use,” he told them. “There’s no rhyme or reason to this, just do what your heart tells you.”

 

Finn’s eyebrows hiked up on his forehead. “Our hearts? That’s a little intense.”

 

His father looked entirely serious as he fished out a tiny ornament of a hot-air balloon. Kylo remembered it from years ago. “This is intense,” he said as he hung it on one of the higher branches. Then he grinned. “Have at it.”

 

Kylo rolled his eyes.

 

It was mostly the other three who decorated; he was determined not to lift a finger to help. Instead, he left to go make himself a cup of coffee. When he returned, they hadn’t made very much progress. He slouched down onto the empty couch and scowled into his mug, waiting for it to be over.

 

Luke dug through the boxes with all of the care of a bull in a china shop, but Rey carefully picked through the decorations as if each one was made of glass. He watched as she chose the ornaments she wanted to hang, inspecting each one with more care than he’d ever seen anyone take on holiday decorations. She looked a little ridiculous.

 

He arched his brow as he watched.

 

His mother and uncle Chewie joined in on the decorating job after they had finished cleaning up the mess that his uncle had made. It didn’t take longer than a moment for his mother to assume her usual commanding role, telling both Luke and Chewie which ornament to hang where. She handed Chewie each of the ornaments that she wanted near the top, and her brother got all the ornaments she wanted around the bottom. At his huff, she smiled.

 

“You’re the one who insists that you’re still a spring chicken,” she reminded him. Luke’s son chuckled at that.

 

Luke and Finn consulted each other about each of the ornaments they hung, and then Finn would consult with Rey. She always just nodded and smiled, agreeing with whichever placement they suggested before returning her attention to where she wanted to hang her own ornaments.

 

She was so serious about it. Kylo found himself fascinated.

 

She was enjoying herself – they all were. It looked like a real family gathering. It _felt_ like the memories of old ones.

 

It only soured his mood even further.

 

He shouldn’t have come. He shouldn’t have _bothered_. Looking from his mother, whose smile looked more genuine than he’d seen it in years, to uncle Chewie, the one who had convinced him to come in the first place-

 

He took another sip of his coffee. It wasn’t strong enough.

 

By the time the rest of them had filled that hideous tree with enough lights and ornaments to partially disguise its ugliness, he was on the verge of getting up and leaving. He just hadn’t quite decided if he just wanted to leave the room, or if he wanted to _leave_. He just sat and watched and stewed, his gaze flickering to his mother every so often. He knew what it was that kept him there.

 

“I think we’re nearly done,” she decided, her hands resting comfortably on her hips as she surveyed their work.

 

Luke stepped back with her. “I think we can fit one or two more.”

 

“I don’t think there’s anything left to hang,” Finn shrugged as he leaned over one of the boxes. Rey reached down into the other one.

 

“There’s one left in here.”

 

The ornament she pulled out could barely call itself such. It was a little airplane made from miniature popsicle sticks and painted a faded gray and blue. A little red ribbon had been glued in a loop at the top, making the small craft hangable. It was obviously made by a child.

 

Kylo recognized it instantly.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

She spun around towards him like he had startled her. His tone had come out harsher than intended, but he couldn’t help the sudden dryness in his throat, or his sudden inability to meet his mother’s gaze.

 

He wished that that ornament had been thrown out.

 

His gaze flickered between the ornament and the girl holding it. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him, as if she both understood and was confused by the significance of the object in her hand. He resented her a little for being unable to hide his reaction from her.

 

His mother came up beside her, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “Oh, would you look at that,” she said, “I thought this broke years ago.”

 

It had. His father had fixed it.

 

Rey handed the ornament over to his mother. “Be – _Kylo_ made this with his father when he was seven, I think. Maybe eight.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said.

 

She looked back at him, and only then was he able to meet her gaze. He saw by the tilt of her mouth that she didn’t like what she saw in his. There was really nothing he wanted to talk about less than memories of his father.

 

That now-familiar black feeling clenched at his heart.

 

He averted his eyes so his mother couldn’t read it.

 

When Rey spoke up next, it surprised him that she was addressing him. “Do you mind if I hang it on the tree?”

 

He wanted to say _no_. He wanted to grab the ornament and chuck it out of a window, along with all of the memories it dredged up. But that wouldn’t go over well.

 

He certainly didn’t want her to inspect it anymore, or _him_ for that matter. Because she looked at him like she suspected something, like she had gained some sort of insight that he knew she didn’t really deserve. His family wasn’t hers to understand.

 

He shrugged, mostly because he knew that she didn’t expect him to.

 

“If you want.”

 

His mother smiled and handed it back to Rey, who cradled it like it was something delicate. “I know just where to put it,” his mother said.

 

“For God’s sake, Leia, let her hang it where she wants,” Luke spoke up.

 

Rey stepped up to the tree but hesitated. She glanced back at Kylo. “Do you,” she trailed off, awkwardly holding out his stupid old ornament.

 

If he got it then he’d just throw it away. “You do it.”

 

So she did. She hung it to the left, a little higher than eye-level. Right near the center, over one of the tree’s bald spots. She stood there for a half-second, like she was actually admiring the little thing. He turned his attention away.

 

The finishing touch on the tree had always been the topper, which his mother kept on display all throughout the year in one of her china cabinets. Chewie got it down for her. The gold and silver star was made of crystal, and it shimmered in her hands.

 

“We take turns every year with who gets to put the topper on the tree,” Luke explained to the newcomers. “This year – well, this year was supposed to be Han.” He cleared his throat.

 

Kylo turned away.

 

For a moment, no one spoke. The silence was suffocating.

 

His mother, ever the soldier, pulled herself together first. “Why don’t we have one of you two do it this year instead?” She suggested, putting an obvious effort into sounding positive. “I promise it’s not a big deal.”

 

Luke nodded and a smile stretched across his face. Kylo knew him well enough to know that it was put-on. “Yeah, save us old folk from breaking our backs.”

 

Neither Rey nor Finn looked very enthusiastic about taking over what should’ve been – what shouldn’t have been theirs to do. He was just glad that his mother didn’t ask him; she most likely knew that he would’ve said no.

 

“Why not you, Finn?” Uncle Chewie suggested.

 

Luke’s smile turned genuine as he turned towards his son. “That’s a good idea.”

 

Finn himself didn’t seem so sure. He looked to Rey, but she just smiled a little and gave her friend a small nudge. “Yeah, Finn, why don’t you do it?”

 

“Me?” He asked, “What about you? This is your first Christmas after all.”

 

Kylo spoke up before she could reply, surprising both of them. “What do you mean?”

 

Finn glanced over at her. She squared herself, lifting her chin just a hair. “It means I’ve never gotten to celebrate the holidays.”

 

He stared. Suddenly the tree and the ornaments and everything he had found so ridiculous about her made more sense. She looked like she was ready to defend herself, like she expected him to mock her or something. He didn’t exactly feel guilty, but it made him frown.

 

He didn’t really say anything.

 

She was the first to look away. “It’s okay, Finn. You do it.”

 

It wasn’t really something that anyone wanted to debate for very long, so Finn just nodded and took the star when Kylo’s mother handed it to him. “No pressure,” Luke added.

 

Finn had to climb up on a half-ladder to reach the top. He twisted it this way and that, trying to figure out the best angle, before his mother told him where to angle it. When he hopped down he joined the rest of them as they backed away to survey their work. Kylo barely paid it any mind. It always had looked like a hodge-podge of different colors and styles, the one piece of chaos – albeit organized chaos – that his mother had ever allowed during the holidays.

 

The only difference was that this year, the tree itself was ugly enough to be burned.

 

“I like it,” Luke decided.

 

“Me, too,” Finn said. His mother smiled. Chewie nodded.

 

Rey tilted her head. “Finn, you put the star on crooked.”

 

Kylo scoffed into his mug.

* * *

 

The ornament glinted at him from the tree each time he passed. Eventually, when no one was looking, he took it down. He fully intended to throw it away so that he would never have to look at it again. He scowled at the shitty paint job, at the clumsily-glued wings.

 

Rey had liked it, for whatever reason. But then again, she liked the tree, too.

 

He moved it to the back of the tree.

* * *

 

The next day was designated as ‘snow day.’ The idea of being outside in the freezing air for most the day wasn’t very appealing to Rey, but she’d also never been sledding, or been in a snowball fight, or made a snow-angel before. Those were things she was decidedly excited about, enough that the prospect of being in the cold all day wasn’t nearly as unappealing as it usually was.

 

Finn, who was much more used to the cold, looked very enthusiastic when he came down from his room.

 

They were huddled together in the kitchen still eating breakfast when Luke walked into the room already dressed for the cold and carrying several cases of colorful hanging lights.

 

He didn’t quite have a frown on his face. “Leia has recruited me and Chewie to do the lights.” He gave the cases in his arms a little shake. “We’re apparently the last house around that doesn’t have their lights up yet. We’ll head out to the sledding hills as soon as we’re done,” he promised.

 

Rey immediately set down her bowl of cereal. “I’ll help you,” she offered.

 

Finn glanced at her, still chewing his own cereal. He swallowed and then nodded, “Yeah, I can help, too.”

 

“It’s fine,” Luke said, “It won’t take the two of us very long.”

 

Except that it was a very large house, she thought. “It’ll go even faster with us,” she pointed out.

 

“We’re young, we can work,” her friend added with a smile. Luke chuckled good-naturedly and shook his head. He was grateful for the help, she could tell.

 

“Well, I won’t reject it if you two are willing to do us a favor.”

 

“Of course,” she smiled.

 

“We knew there was a reason why you invited us,” Finn said, “you needed people young enough to do the physical labor.”

 

There was Kylo, she almost pointed out. But he hadn’t technically been invited, she supposed.

 

Luke laughed, the lines around his eyes becoming more pronounced. “You caught us. After all, according to Leia I’m getting old. You kids keep me from breaking my back.” He was joking, but there was an undercurrent of warmth and affection in his tone that made Rey happy that she’d decided to come.

 

They met Chewie out front. He’d gone and grabbed a ladder while Luke had gotten the lights, and had already propped it up near the center of the house. They decided to start by decorating the front porch and then moving outwards, towards both ends of the house. It was a little tedious, but they still had fun as they made the outside look festive.

 

Until it was time to climb the ladder. Finn decided that that would definitely _not_ be fun.

 

“Are you kidding me?” He choked, “that’s dangerous.”

 

“It’s fine, I’ll hold onto it,” Chewie assured him.

 

“No way, not happening.”

 

The house did look significantly taller when they were about to climb the height of it, but heights had never bothered her. She sighed, the string of lights already wrapped around her arm. “Come on, Finn.”

 

He crossed his arms. “I’m not climbing on the roof.”

 

Well, there was no making him go if he didn’t want to. “Okay then,” she shrugged.

 

Just like he said, Chewie held on to the old metal ladder, keeping it in place as she started to climb the rungs. Luke directed her from the ground, and Finn passed up more lights when she needed them. It was a little more slow-going than she had imagined, but they were making progress,

 

She could already feel her stomach start to growl, although she was sure it wasn’t lunch time, yet.

 

The second-story window she was standing in front of opened while she was reaching up to hook the lights on the edge of the roof. It startled her so badly that she almost wrenched herself off the ladder, but she managed to catch herself, even if it was just barely. Her heart felt like it was trying to fly out of her throat.

 

“Rey, Are you alright?” Finn called up, his expression screwed up in worry.

 

“Yeah,” she nodded after she’d had a moment to make sure she really was.

 

Kylo leaned out of the window, his hair a little more mussed than usual. His usual frown stretched across his lips.

 

“Do you mind?” She snapped, still clinging to the ladder as she tried to swallow her heart back down. In her surprise, she had yanked on the string of lights and had undone the last two or three feet of progress she’d made.

 

“What are you doing?” He asked.

 

Like it wasn’t obvious. “I could’ve _fallen_.” She had half a mind to punch him, but she didn’t want to unbalance herself again.

 

His attention flickered down towards the ground, and then back to her. “It wouldn’t have killed you.”

 

She got the feeling that despite his indifferent tone, he was actually trying to _reassure_ her. She gave him an incredulous look. “Is there something you want?”

 

“Oh, Kylo,” Luke waved at him from the ground, “why don’t you come out here and help us? We can pull out the other ladder.”

 

Finn spoke up from the bottom of her ladder, a frown pulling at his lips. “That’s okay, we don’t need help.”

 

Kylo flat out ignored Finn and only regarded his uncle for a moment before he turned his attention back to her. He didn’t look very eager to help, although that wasn’t surprising to her. He seemed the sort to never do anything he didn’t want to. What did surprise her was when he asked, “Do you need help?”

 

She blinked, then scowled. “No, I don’t need help. I was doing just fine here until _someone_ decided to open a window and scare me half to death.”

 

He didn’t respond to her scathing tone except to quirk his brow. He glanced over at the job she had done so far. “Shouldn’t this be Luke’s job? Why are you doing this?”

 

“Because I volunteered to help,” she responded icily. It was strange that he called his uncle by his first name, she thought distantly.

 

“Shouldn’t you – be having fun, or something?”

 

It occurred to her that he was referencing the previous night, that he was talking about everyone’s promise to make this Christmas fun for her. Her cheeks burned a new hot in the cold. She set her jaw, trying to hide her embarrassment.

 

“This won’t take long,” she bit out. Why was that even his problem? She wished that he would’ve just forgotten it.

 

He studied her for a minute, his nose growing pink in the cold. His frown deepened into a scowl, although God only knew what it was about that had pissed him off that time. He glanced down towards the ground and back at her, then scoffed and leaned back inside.

 

The window shut with a slam.

 

A breath escaped her. She didn’t know if she felt relieved, or-

 

“Rey?” Finn called up.

 

“Yeah?” She glanced down behind her, where he stood next to Chewie, who was still holding onto the ladder. The taller man regarded her intently, although she didn’t know him well enough to know what to look meant.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

She nodded, climbing down the ladder far enough that Finn could hand her the string of lights that she had dropped. “I’m good.”

 

Climbing back to the top, she hurriedly finished hanging that portion of the lights. She made it to the end of the first half of the house, and climbed down so that they could move over to start to work on the other half. When she dropped to the ground, though, she couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

Luke had managed to tangle the rest of the lights into one giant ball of colorful electrical wiring. “This is why Leia insists on storing the lights herself,” he told them with a half-smile. Finn had started to help trying to untangle it.

 

“Damn, this is screwed up,” he said.

 

“Do you want me to help?” She asked. The two of them just waved her off. Chewie passed by them carrying the ladder to the other end on the house.

 

“This is twisted through here, I think,” Luke muttered.

 

“No,” Finn shook his head, “that’s just pulling on this.”

 

His father nodded. “Ah, yes. Okay, so we should-”

 

The sound of the front door drew Rey’s attention to the porch. Kylo slammed the door shut behind him, then shoved his hands into the pockets in his jacket. She was beginning to wonder if he owned anything that wasn’t black.

 

He walked up to them with all the enthusiasm of a man marching towards death.

 

He stood right next to her.

 

“I thought I told you that I didn’t need any help,” she crossed her arms.

 

He looked pointedly over at his uncle and Finn. “Obviously, you have it all under control.”

 

“Now, this isn’t our fault,” Luke defended the two of them. Finn only sent Kylo a quick glare over the tops of his eyelashes. “There’s another string of lights in the box.” Luke gestured towards the porch, where they’d left all the containers. “It’s shorter, but we’ll just connect it to this when we run out. And when we untangle this.”

 

“Okay,” she nodded and went to go grab the extra lights. For some reason, Kylo followed her. The hair on the back of her neck stood on-end to have him at her back, looming like a shadow. Something about him seemed dangerous when she couldn’t see him but she knew he was there.

 

Chewie had already set the ladder up against the side of the house. Rey stepped up to the ladder, but Kylo’s hand shot out on the rung in front of her and stopped her short.

 

She threw him a look. “Excuse me.”

 

“I can do it.”

 

He stepped closer as if he was about to shove her out of the way and climb the ladder himself. He still wore a frown, but it’s edges had softened into something different. Maybe he thought to make himself less threatening – not that it worked. She pressed back against the ladder to keep distance between the two of them. The feeling of being cornered crept up in her chest, and she had to physically restrain herself from striking out to shove him away. Her breath got caught in her throat.

 

“I’ve got it.” She took the only avenue of escape and scrambled up the ladder, smacking his hand out of her way. He was forced to step back to give her room.

 

Even with more distance between them, he grated on her nerves. He gave her directions about where he thought the lights should go, nitpicking every move she made. He was even worse at back-seat driving than Finn was when she actually drove.

 

It gave her a special sort of satisfaction that he got snappish when she blatantly ignored him.

 

“You didn’t hang that section right,” he pointed out.

 

“You know what,” She snapped, glaring down at him over her shoulder. He returned the look. Half of her wanted to just go head and let him hang the damned lights himself, since he was obviously going to nitpick her the entire time.

 

But the thought of letting him – _win_ , for lack of a better term – grated on her more.

 

He arched his brow, waiting for her to say something.

 

“Shove off,” was all she could think to say.

 

She heard his scoff, then a sharp, “What?”

 

“She’s doing fine,” Chewie said.

 

“Thank you,” she threw over her shoulder with a smile for Chewie, who nodded at her. Kylo didn’t say anything more. She didn’t turn to look, but she liked to imagine the pout that he was likely wearing.

 

Luke and Finn came over not much later, carefully carrying the untangled string of lights in their hands. “Here you go,” Luke reached up to hand it to her when she ran out of the shorter string. But when Rey attached the two strings together, the untangled string didn’t light up.

 

“Uh oh,” she sighed to herself. Louder, she added, “I think these lights are out.”

 

Kylo responded immediately. “Did you connect them all of the way?”

 

“Yes,” she shot back.

 

“Have you tried making sure that the first couple of lights are screwed in all of the way?” Luke suggested.

 

She doubted that a few loose lights would make the entire string not work, but she tried it anyway. By the seventh or eighth light, she gave it up for dead. “I don’t think that’s going to work.” She unplugged the string and climbed back down the ladder.

 

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to go to the store and buy more, then.” Luke put his hands on his hips and surveyed their work so far. “It’s not bad, though.”

 

“Yeah, if you don’t look at this corner of the house,” Finn added. Chewie nodded.

 

They left the ladder outside, but took the containers for the lights back inside. Luke told Leia that they needed more lights and grabbed the keys to his truck. When he waved goodbye and started to head for his truck, Rey nudged Finn, who had kept back around her.

 

He gave her a look. “What?”

 

She eyed Luke and nodded in his direction. “Are you going to go with him?” She whispered.

 

“Should I?” He blinked.

 

“ _Yes_. Bonding, remember?”

 

He hesitated. Then he called out, “Hey, Luke, wait up. I’ll come, too.” He ran after his father, who held the door open to the garage with a surprised smile. It made her happy to see. She hoped that Finn realized how happy it made him that he was willing to try.

 

“You’re invested in the two of them connecting, aren’t you?”

 

She turned to find Kylo scrutinizing her with an intensity that made her feel like he could see right through her. It felt unfair, since she couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all.

 

“Of course I am.” She tilted her chin up a little. “He’s my best friend.”

 

“And yet you want him to be a part of this family?” He asked, like it would be doing him a disservice.

 

That raised her hackles, and she struggled to keep her tone even. “You obviously have no idea what it’s like to not have a family. _Any_ family is better than no family.” She’d known situations where that didn’t ring true, but in most cases – in _this_ case – it absolutely did.

 

What she said must have struck a chord in him. He straightened almost imperceptibly, his shoulders squaring and his fists clenching at his sides. He didn’t look – _violent_ , per se, but the sight of his fists still put her on-edge. She didn’t know him well enough not to be. His gaze flickered to her own straightened posture.

 

He worked his jaw for a moment, still eyeing her in that way of his that made her feel entirely too exposed. She didn’t like it one bit.

 

Then he visibly deflated, although it was more like his tension turned somber than that he actually relaxed. “You’re alone.”

 

It was spoken quietly, but it wasn’t a question. It didn’t even sound as if he’d had a revelation; he said it like it was just a confirmation of something her already knew. He couldn’t have known it – not really – but the way he said it still unnerved her. It felt like he knew something about her that was supposed to be hidden, even though she’d never hidden the fact that she was an orphan. It just – it was different. Like he knew something _personal_ about her.

 

More than he should.

 

But there was something in his gaze when he spoke, something deeper than his tone. His eyes looked – _sad_ , as if he truly understood the weight of what _you’re_ _alone_ meant. Like he was sorry for it.

 

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from that expression.

 

Maybe that was why she answered him honestly.

 

“I’ve always been alone.”

 

Surprisingly, he seemed to consider her answer before he said anything. “But you have him,” he pointed out.

 

She shrugged. She _had_ had Finn; it had just been the two of them for years. They were each other’s family, they looked out for each other. She loved him, and she wanted the best for him. He had found his long-lost family, and she was so happy for him.

 

But it was no longer just the two of them against the world, and she had to accept that. She did, mostly.

 

“Yeah,” was all she said.

 

He narrowed his eyes, and she got the feeling he was reading her again. She hated that someone like him could apparently do that so easily.

 

“You were going to go sledding today, weren’t you?” He asked suddenly.

 

She blinked. “What?”

 

He arched a brow at her non-answer. “Sledding. That’s what you were going to do after you strung up the lights?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

 

“Do you still want to?”

 

She was growing more confused by the second. “Of course I do, but-”

 

“Then I’ll take you.”

 

Both of her eyebrows shot up on her forehead. “What about everyone else?”

 

He grabbed his mother’s car keys off of the front table and rezipped up his jacket. He gave her a look. “Do you want to go or not?”

 

“I mean – I do,” she said.

 

He jerked his chin. “Then come on.” He turned and headed for the garage.

 

Her immediate response was that she should wait for Luke and Finn to get back, or at least see if Chewie wanted to come along. But Kylo was already out the door, and everyone had just left, and if he was offering-

 

A part of her was sure that Kylo would only make things awful if she went with him. But the other part was curious. _Insanely_ curious.

 

After a beat, she followed after him.

* * *

 

She insisted that he sled with her at least once. Once became a few times, which became every time.

 

It – wasn’t awful. They shared a sled, and she clung to him in a way that both unnerved him and made his mouth twitch. They crashed more often than not, sent rolling by some unseen rock or bump in the snow. Once, she tried to throw them off just to see if she could. She could.

 

Kylo was soaked by the end, soaked and freezing and very ready to be done.

 

But then Rey dusted the snow off the front of her pants and looked up at him with a smile so bright it looked – a little ridiculously – like she had reflected a piece of the sun.

 

“This is so much fun,” she laughed. “I can’t believe you can be _fun_.”

 

A part of him was genuinely insulted, but he just scoffed. They stayed longer.

* * *

 

The two of them stopped by a coffee shop on the way back from sledding. Kylo tried not to examine too closely the reasons why he had decided to stop after seeing the girl in the passenger seat curled up in a ball, trying to stay warm after the snow in her jacket had melted and soaked her through. He was soaked, too, he reminded himself. It made sense to stop and get some coffee.

 

Any other reason – it didn’t matter.

 

Just like how it didn’t matter that she’d been smiling at him up on that snowy hill, or how she’d clung to him when she’d insisted they sled together. It didn’t matter that she’d laughed in his ear and smiled at him like she was made from the sun.

 

He stopped at the coffee shop, and he told her to order whatever she wanted.

 

She shook her head and crossed her arms across her chest. She had shed her wet jacket back in the car, but he could see a few wet patches on her sweater, as well. “You don’t have to pay for me.”

 

“It’s fine,” he said.

 

“No,” she started to protest, but he cut her off by turning towards the menu.

 

“Just order.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” the barista spoke up from behind the counter. She waved her hand at Rey, “Always let the boyfriend pay for you if they offer.”

 

Both Kylo and Rey froze. It was infuriatingly presumptuous of her to insinuate that they were _together_ like that. It was – a _ridiculous_ idea. He clamped his mouth shut and tried not to let the woman behind the counter know exactly what he thought about her butting into their conversation.

 

Rey recovered first. She subtly shifted a little farther away from him. “Um, he’s not my boyfriend.”

 

His ears felt like they were on fire. He wanted to _choke_ that barista.

 

The barista shrugged. “All the same, if a guy wants to pay for your coffee, I say let them.”

 

“Well, thanks,” he bit out between clenched teeth. Trying not to look as murderous as he felt in that moment, he turned back to Rey. “Go ahead, just order anything.”

 

She only made the briefest of eye-contact before she quickly ordered a small hot chocolate. He was pretty sure that she only gave in so they could get away from that barista as soon as possible. Not that he was complaining.

 

They stood in awkward silence as they waited for their drinks, and then when they got them they occupied themselves with that and hardly looked at each other at all.

 

“Are you going to go ice skating?”

 

He lowered his drink. “What?”

 

Her expression was carefully neutral. “Tomorrow everyone is supposed to go ice skating. I’ve never been. I was just wondering if you were going to go, too.” She shrugged, taking another sip of her hot chocolate.

 

He hadn’t planned on it. “You’ve never been?”

 

She shook her head.

 

He hadn’t been ice skating in years, and he wasn’t very eager to go again. After taking another sip of his coffee, he nodded. “I’m going.”

 

She had asked if he was going. He wasn’t going to examine his reasons any more than that.

 

Surprisingly, Rey smiled a little at his answer. “Okay,” she said, “we’ll see if you can keep it up.”

 

“Keep what up?”

 

She took another sip of her drink and shifted in her seat. “Well, I’m starting to not completely dislike you. But I’m skeptical that you can keep it up.”

 

How was he supposed to take that? She wasn’t joking, and yet there was a tilt to her mouth that took some of the edge off of her words. His natural impulse was to get angry, but he found it easier to control than usual.

 

“Thanks,” he deadpanned.

 

She shrugged. “You asked.”

 

He didn’t say anything to that. Neither of them spoke again until they had both finished their drinks. When they stood to leave, she spoke up

 

“Thanks, by the way. For the hot chocolate.” Her tone was just a tad grudging, but the thanks was sincere.

 

He hadn’t expected her to thank him. He cleared his throat, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “No problem,” he said. His tone was gruffer than he had intended.

 

But she still gave him a smile.

* * *

 

Ice skating went both better and worse than Kylo expected. He didn’t mind ice skating; he had forgotten how much he didn’t mind it.

 

But Rey was a different story.

 

It was obvious that she had never gone skating before. She was all flailing arms and legs, and could barely stay standing long enough to make it more than a couple of feet before her feet would slip out from under her. Finn apparently knew her well enough to give her space, but Kylo couldn’t resist skating up to her.

 

“I can teach you,” he offered.

 

“I’ve got it,” she snapped. “Go away.”

 

So she spent half of the time on her ass instead of her skates. He didn’t offer again.

* * *

 

Later that day, when she was nursing her new bruises, she stopped him.

 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” she said.

 

He was surprised that he cared enough to be thankful for the apology. “It’s fine.”

 

She looked a little sheepish when she suggested, “Maybe next time I’ll let you show me how to not fall on my ass.”

 

“Okay,” he nodded.

 

She smiled, then winced at her bruised shoulder.

* * *

 

There was no mall or large shopping center anywhere near the Organa’s vacation home. Instead, there was an old part of town that had been mostly taken up by an assortment of aesthetic little boutiques, unique memorabilia shops, and dusty antique stores. Half of the appeal was walking down the old sidewalks and taking in the holiday decorations the town put up.

 

Leia always spent one day there, picking up any last-minute presents and generally enjoying the day away from the men in her house. When she invited Rey, she felt both touched that she’d want her to join on her ‘get away’ day, but she had also felt obligated .

 

Rey liked it well enough, but she wasn’t a shopper, and it made her feel wildly out-of-place. She wasn’t the sort that shopped at those sorts of stores, and it was painfully obvious.

 

Not that she would want to buy anything; the clothing selection at those boutiques was obviously designed for women at least three decades her senior. It was fine, though. She was there for Leia, not spending money.

 

“Do you have anyone you need to buy a present for?” Leia asked when they had made their way down the entirety of one sidewalk and half-way up the other. They had two bags in one hand and a third in the other; they hadn’t been large purchases, but Rey was pretty sure that Leia was holding close to two-hundred dollars’ worth of items in her hands.

 

“No,” she shook her head, her hands shoved in her pockets. “I think I’m good.”

 

If she was being honest, the present situation was one that she didn’t think she’d ever get used to. Of course she knew how it worked and that people generally did gift exchanges, but it was only the second year that she’d ever had to buy anyone anything.

 

Finn gave her her first present – she still had the tiny cactus in a pot back at her apartment.

 

“Good. It’s nice to have all of your shopping done, isn’t it?” Leia nodded, reaching into the pocket of her purse as her car came into view.

 

She hadn’t made any mention of when Kylo had stolen her car for the day to take her sledding; maybe she didn’t even know about it. He obviously never told her about anything he did. And – she hadn’t gotten anything for Kylo.

 

Finn was getting a pair of black slacks to replace the ones she had spilled mustard on a couple of months back. Luke was getting a hat and Chewie was getting a scarf. She bought Leia a book that Luke said she’d been wanting to buy.

 

“But I don’t have anything for Kylo.”

 

Leia quirked a brow. “Of course you don’t. It’s not like he announced his visit beforehand.” She paused, and her expression turned thoughtful. She studied Rey with a sharpness not totally unlike her son’s. “You don’t have to get him anything, you know.”

 

“No,” Rey consented.

 

“But you still want to?”

 

Rey couldn’t decide. He had proved himself to be not the complete and total asshole that she had taken him for, even though he was unbelievably moody. And she had fun.

 

The entire day had been fun.

 

“It’d feel rude if I got everyone something except for him,” she lifted her shoulder in a half-shrug, uncomfortable with saying anything else.

 

Leia smirked like someone had just told her her first piece of good news in a very long time. Turning back the way they came, she said, “Alright, then let’s get him something. Although it can’t be big, I won’t allow you to spend more than a few dollars on him.”

 

Rey laughed.

 

“Okay, do you know what he would like?” Besides something black, she added mentally.

 

“Who knows,” Leia shrugged. “I haven’t been in-touch with his taste for years, so your guess is as good as mine.”

 

It wasn’t exactly helpful. The two of them proceeded to spend the next half-hour traversing the rows of shops with no ideas between the two of them. He was just so difficult to shop for; she was about two minutes away from buying him a deck of cards and calling it even.

 

She mostly stuck to the antique stores, because she figured that that was where she would have the best luck trying to find something for him. Leia was sweeping through the memorabilia shops on the off-chance that there was something worthwhile in one of them.

 

If she was tall, broody, and loved the color black, what would she want?

 

Nothing came to mind, and it was starting to frustrate her.

 

Until she looked up from her fruitless hunt to see a map hanging on the opposite wall. It wasn’t a larger map – only about as large as a placemat – but it was beautiful.

 

She didn’t know how she just knew that Kylo would like something like that, but she did. Everything about it was perfect. Except the price tag.

 

“Can I help you with something?” She shop keeper asked, seeing her eye the hanging map.

 

It was so frustrating that she found something that she just knew he would like – him, whom she had barely even known for more than a few days – and it was so expensive. But of course it would be, being an antique. And even if she haggled the price lower, it would still be way too much. It was surprisingly tempting to just splurge and buy it anyway, but it would be the most expensive present by far, and she really couldn’t justify that.

 

So she shook her head and said, “No, I’m just looking.”

 

The shop-keeper looked a little disappointed. Well, he wasn’t the only one.

 

Eventually, she gave up and went back to find Leia, who hadn’t found anything, either. It was time to give up, she decided. She could always buy him – she had no idea. Most likely, it would just end up being that he got nothing from her. She kept thinking that everyone would have a present from her except for him. It made her feel like the asshole, even though she didn’t know if he even expected anything from her like that. It didn’t matter.

 

Leia looked only a little put-out, and agreed that it was for the best that Rey give up on her impromptu hunt for a gift.

 

“He most likely won’t even notice, anyway,” She assured her as they climbed in her car, “and if he does, he’ll get over it. I think it would do him some good to get passed over by a pretty lady.”

 

Rey smiled, but she was still thinking about that map.

* * *

 

When Kylo was on his way up to bed that night, he passed by Rey’s room. The door was slightly ajar, just enough that he glimpse of the white bra she wore as she peeled off her shirt. His eyes racked over the exposed flesh down to her hips, where her hands went to push down her pants.

 

His breath caught in his throat.

 

He tore his gaze away and slammed her door the rest of the way shut. By the time he heard her door open, he had already barricaded himself in his room.

* * *

 

There was always a Christmas Eve party at one of the neighbor’s houses, a collection of all the richest families getting together to compare jewelry and brag about their golfing achievements. That’s how Luke, explained it, anyway.

 

“That is not how it is.” Leia scolded him with a shake of her head. She looked beautiful in a classically-cut taupe dress that she accented with a pair of artistic geometric earrings and a matching bracelet. Rey suddenly felt underdressed in her plain green velvet dress meant more for going out with friends than for going to a party where people dressed like – _that_. The pair of dark leggings she’d put on under it didn’t help much.

 

Her only consolation was that Luke was dressed casually in comparison to his sister, too. He shrugged, but as soon as Leia turned away he whispered, “Prepare yourself for a long night. This can get pretty boring.”

 

She tried to put on a smile, but she really wasn’t looking forward to the party.

 

The sound of someone coming down the stairs drew her attention. She was a little surprised to see Kylo dressed in – well, black. But he wore slacks and his shirt was tucked in.

 

“You’re coming to the party?” She could help but blurt.

 

He gave her a flat look. “If that’s okay with you.”

 

She felt her neck start to flush at how surprised she had sounded. She turned away to hide it.

 

“Okay, gang. Let’s go,” Luke heaved a sigh as he grabbed his coat. “The sooner we go, the sooner it’s over with.”

 

Rey stretched the hem of her dress down a bit in a useless attempt to cover more of her legs. “Okay.”

The party was only several houses down, but the houses were spread out and each house had an extensive yard, so they still took the car.

 

And when they got there, Luke was proven right. It was nothing but middle-aged to older people who all made more money in a month than she made in the better half of a year. All they did was stand around and talk, mostly about their businesses or gossip about people Rey didn’t know. Jazz music played softly, nothing more than a little extra ambiance that threatened to put her to sleep.

 

At least the eggnog was spiked.

 

Luke disappeared almost as soon as they had gotten there. The longer he was gone the more convinced she grew that he had snuck out of the party and simply walked home. Kylo had wandered off to – did he even socialize? It didn’t seem like something he would care about. Leia was mingling.

 

Rey had set up camp near the snack table, within easy access to both the eggnog and the large plate of pigs-in-a-blanket. She’d already had five.

 

“Do you plan on getting drunk tonight?” The low timber of Kylo’s voice nearly made her jump as she took another sip of her drink.

 

She nearly spurted into her cup. “No,” she snapped, although she didn’t bother to put much vehemence behind it. She was just grateful that someone she knew was standing next to her.

 

He quirked his eyebrow. “Well then you might not want to drink too much of that,” he nodded towards the glass in her hand, “Mrs. Mothma always over-does it with the eggnog.”

 

“Do you know from experience?” The image of him drinking enough eggnog to get drunk struck her as a little funny. Imagining him drunk at all was weird.

 

“I don’t like eggnog.”

 

“Oh,” she shrugged and took another sip.

 

Something shifted in his eye, her only window into what he was thinking. He seemed to soften. “You hate being here,” he observed, or maybe he accused.

 

Her first instinct was to deny it.

 

But he just shrugged. “It’s okay, I hate it, too.”

 

“Then why did you come?” She had to ask.

 

Kylo gave her a strange look, heavy with a meaning that she could only guess at. Or maybe she knew, in some secret place of her heart.

 

A muscle worked in his jaw like he was having trouble deciding on what to say. Then he said, “Do you want to get out of here?”

 

Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Leave the party, I mean,” he swept his hand through his hair in what had to have been a nervous gesture. He stepped closer. “I want to show you something.”

 

Having him so near to her had her stomach doing backflips in her abdomen, irrefutable evidence of what she didn’t really want to think about. She couldn’t blame it on the eggnog; she knew what it was. She took a very long, slow breath.

 

So Kylo sent her stomach flipping. It wasn’t the most earth-shattering realization. It was just-

She didn’t quite know what it meant.

 

She set her glass of eggnog down on the snack table. Grabbing one last pig-in-a-blanket, she turned back to him. “Then let’s go,” She smiled at him. “before I get pathetically drunk on eggnog.”

 

He almost smiled at that. “Come on.”

 

No one noticed as they weaved among the other guests. She was a stranger to those people, but no one tried to talk to Kylo, either. She wondered how long it had been since he’d gone to one of those parties. She pulled at the hem of her dress again.

 

They had almost made it to the front door before Luke appeared out of nowhere, blocking their way to the door. So he hadn’t run away. “Where are you two headed off to?”

 

Kylo rolled his eyes at the sudden appearance of his uncle. “We’re leaving,” he said shortly.

 

If Luke noticed his nephew’s tone, he ignored it. Pointing above them, he asked, “Without honoring this essential Christmas tradition?”

 

Rey knew what she’d see when she looked up. Still, she couldn’t help to be surprised.

 

Mistletoe.

 

She immediately shook her head, a warm blush blooming traitorously all over her face. That was _not_ -

“I don’t think-” she stuttered. Risking a glance at Kylo, she felt a little better at seeing the red that crept across his skin, too. He tried repeatedly to move around his uncle in an attempt to escape, but was blocked every time.

 

Suddenly another man stood next to Luke. He had a large, charming smile and looked like he knew it. He probably would’ve been attractive, if he was at least thirty years younger.

 

“Oh, these two are definitely not getting away without a kiss,” the man chuckled. He had a mischievous twinkle to his eye that made her not trust him. “That’s why we put it up – on the off-chance that the youngsters will get caught under it.”

 

She doubted that; they were the two youngest people there, probably the only young people there. And she hadn’t noticed it when they’d first gotten there.

 

“We’re not doing anything for you,” Kylo swore, but it was too late. The other man was apparently popular, and drew other people to him. Several of the women started to cheer Kylo on.

 

Rey wanted to die – was it possible to die of embarrassment?

 

“We’re not letting you go until you honor the tradition,” Luke smirked.

 

“Come on, son,” one of the women tried to encourage Kylo, “don’t be shy.”

 

“She’s the cutest little thing,” said another.

 

Kylo’s gaze clearly said _I want to kill you_. His uncle just shrugged.

 

She gave him a little nudge. It took him a moment to look over at her. When he did, she could read the hesitation and irritation clearly in his gaze, although she was fairly certain it wasn’t directed at her. Her heart was a lump stuck in her throat, but she made herself say it. “It’s okay.”

 

He didn’t expect that.

 

“Hah, see?” The man standing next to Luke said triumphantly.

 

“Just get it over with so that we can leave,” she tried to shrug, but it came off as a tense twitch of her shoulders. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

Rey could see the argument on his lips, the insistence that it _was_ a big deal, if only because he didn’t want a bunch of retirees telling him what to do.

 

But – surprisingly – he reined his temper in.

 

His eyes flickered down to her lips.

_Oh_. Her stomach was doing flip-flops again.

 

The kiss was soft and quick, nothing more than a momentary brush of his lips against hers. It was over almost before she realized that it happened.

 

His lips were surprisingly soft.

 

The applause that broke out was mainly just Luke and his friend, but one or two of the women _aw_ ’d at the display. Rey had the sudden urge to throttle them.

 

Kylo looked like he might actually do it. “Happy?” He snapped.

 

Luke smiled and stepped out of his nephew’s way. “You two have a nice night.”

 

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” the other man said to Rey, even though they hadn’t really met each other.

They let the two of them go, and they practically ran out.

 

They walked back to the Organa’s house in silence, keeping more than an acceptable distance between the two of them. Rey felt like her cheeks would never stop burning, even in the cold. Her legs were so cold that they’d lost feeling, but it was a short enough walk that she could mostly deal with it.

 

She could barely stand to glance over at him. A dark expression shadowed his face, but all she could seem to stare at were his lips.

_Damn_ _it_.

 

She’d really messed things up – or, rather, Luke and his friend had. And right when she had just realized that she would even want to notice his lips, too.

 

They still hadn’t spoken by the time they reached the house. The two of them walked up the driveway in silence. She turned towards the front door, ready to just be out of her ridiculous dress and curl up in the warmth of her bed. Then shed try to put the embarrassment of the party behind her.

 

“You coming?”

 

She stopped.

 

He waited for her by his car, his eyebrow arched in question.

 

She had assumed-

 

“Yeah,” she nodded.

 

“Then get in,” he nodded towards the passenger side and slid in the driver’s seat.

 

A smile started to grow on her lips, and she let it.

* * *

 

He took her to the other side of the lake behind the house, to a little park that looked like it hadn’t been disturbed since the last snowfall. It offered a clear view of the silent water, a cold sort of grey in the moonlight, and of the lights from the other side of the lake. The holiday lights from the houses shimmered in reflection over the water, a liquid, dream-like glow that made the water seem almost magical.

 

“Wow,” she breathed, her breath turning to tiny crystals in the cold. She walked right up to the edge of the water. “This is beautiful.”

 

Kylo was quiet beside her, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he looked out over the lake. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, nearly a whisper, and tightly controlled as if he was fighting against some great emotion.

 

“I haven’t been back here since I was a kid.”

 

She glanced over at him, crossing her arms across her chest in an attempt to keep warm. She didn’t really know what to say to that, so she didn’t say anything.

 

He looked away from the lights, his expression a strange mix of longing and resentment and something else that was hidden by the night. “I used to love it here.”

 

“Did you – come with your dad?” She ventured hesitantly.

 

“Yeah,” was all he said, his tone stilted and closed-off. “Every Christmas Eve, just the two of us.” He broke off suddenly, turning his attention back to the shimmering lights.

 

It struck her then what he was really saying. What he was trying to say. This was the place that was just for him and his father, a good place that had good memories. She could tell they were good just by how tight his tone was.

 

He had taken her to a special place.

 

She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if he expected her to say anything.

 

“Thank you for showing me this place,” she blurted, unable to help herself. He looked over at her. “But, why did you decide to bring me here?”

 

Maybe she shouldn’t have asked, but she couldn’t restrain herself.

 

Kylo heaved a sigh. Turning to glance at the park behind him, and then again at the lake in front of them, he said, “This was always the best part of Christmas for me.”

 

It sounded like an admission that he himself hadn’t fully realized until then.

 

“I just-” He scowled and looked away.

 

She edged a bit closer to him. “What did you and your dad do that made this place so fun?”

 

He shook his head. “Nothing. We would just – sit and look out over the lake. He always used it as an excuse not to go to the Christmas Eve party, I think.”

 

“Sounds like it was nice.”

 

For a long time, he didn’t say anything. He seemed lost in thought. She wondered what it was like for him, standing in a place with such good memories of his father after he had died. But she didn’t want to intrude on his memories any longer than she had, so she turned her gaze back to the lake.

 

“You look beautiful.”

 

Her heart nearly stopped at his words. She opened and closed her mouth.

 

He only glanced over at her for a second. “I didn’t tell you earlier. But you do.”

 

Reflexively, she tugged at the hem of her dress once more. “Oh. Uh, well. Thank you.”

 

“Even if you were stuffing your face the entire time we were at the party.”

 

“Hey,” she slapped his arm, “there’s nothing wrong with eating at a party.” But she was a little grateful for the diffusing comment.

 

“No, but people don’t usually eat like a caveman that hasn’t had a meal in the last ten years.” The corner of his mouth twitched as he settled back into his usual asshole-y self.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with the way I eat,” she insisted.

 

He pressed his lips together and raised his eyebrows, nodding in the most patronizing sort of agreement that she’d ever seen.

 

“Ugh,” she rolled her eyes and gave him a playful shove. “You’re impossible.”

 

And actual smile broke out across his face. “Not the worst thing I’ve been called,” he admitted.

 

She snorted. “Yeah, I can think of a few of the other things people might call you.”

 

He tilted his head a little. “I can think of some for you, too.” But the way he said it, it sounded like he meant something much more endearing. Her stupid flush started to creep back across her face.

 

Her smile turned more sincere. “Thank you for taking me here. It’s beautiful.”

 

Maybe it was just her imagination, but for a split second she could’ve sworn that his gaze flickered down to her lips.

 

“Yeah,” he nodded.

 

Rey nearly touched him, almost leaned up and brushed her lips against his again. It was just an impulse, one that she managed to keep in-check. But she could see it clearly in her mind as if she had really done it.

 

What would a real kiss from him feel like, she wondered.

 

She quickly shoved the question from her mind before her face caught on fire.

 

The lights glistened across the water, a private light show just for them. Out of all of the Christmas scenes and holidays decorations, the view in front of them seemed the most beautiful. Maybe it was because it was quiet and it _meant_ something. She felt like she could look out over that lake for hours.

 

She hoped that Kylo would add that moment to his collection of good memories. She would.

* * *

 

On the car ride back, Rey tapped her fingers to the Christmas music she had turned on. A sudden urge to thread his fingers with hers struck Kylo.

 

He kept both hands firmly wrapped around the wheel. But he still glanced at her hand.

* * *

 

All the lights were off when they got back to the house. Rey felt a little like a teenager trying to sneak a boy in past curfew. She glanced at Kylo’s back and tried to imagine what that would be like, stealthily trying to usher someone like him into her room past a pair of ever-alert parents. The thought made her cheeks burn. Hopefully it was hidden by the night.

 

They reached the top of the stairs without saying a word to each other. He started to turn left, towards his room and away from hers. Away from his old room.

 

Her hand shot out to stop him before she put too much thought into it. He looked back at her over his shoulder, his brow arched in question.

 

“ _What_?” He mouthed.

 

It was a weird idea, most likely totally inappropriate and a complete overstepping of bounds. She had no right to ask. “Can I see your room?” She whispered as quietly as she could.

 

His entire body went rigid, and she realized her mistake. Shaking her head, she pointed down the hall.

 

“Your _old_ room,” she added.

 

He didn’t want to. It was in the set of his jaw, the line of his brow. He straightened and glanced at the only child’s room in the house, his lips pressed into a thin line. She couldn’t see well enough to read his eyes, but the rest of it was obvious.

 

She shouldn’t have asked.

 

Squeezing her eyes shut, she mentally kicked herself. Of course it was an invasion of privacy, one measly little kiss – which wasn’t really even a kiss if she thought about it, because kisses under duress _didn’t count_ – didn’t mean that she was privy to every aspect of his life. No matter what he had told her, she didn’t have the right to ask for more. That was just greedy of her.

 

“Okay.”

 

Her eyes flew open. “Really?”

 

He lifted one of his shoulders in a purposely blasé half-shrug. “Come on,” he whispered.

 

The door was locked from the inside, but Kylo just ran his hand over the top of the doorframe and produced a lock-pick. She almost asked what the point of locking the door was if they could unlock it so easily, but maybe the fact that the door was _locked_ was the only point. Rey hovered right over his shoulder while he unlocked the door, a little guilty that she had asked to see the room, and yet too curious to take it back.

 

There was a soft _click_ and he swung the door open. He moved aside to that she could pass, but immediately blocked the rest of the doorway.

 

The room wasn’t at all what she had expected.

 

It was fairly large for a child’s room, with grey-blue walls and the same hardwood floors as the rest of the house. Several posters were taped up on the walls, mostly of bands that she had never heard of. She could only imagine what a younger Kylo might’ve listened to. The bed was a double-wide and had been made with more care than any child would’ve used. Leia must’ve made the room more presentable at some point. A desk was shoved in the corner next to the dresser, with several stacks of books taking up most of the space. There were more piles of books on both bedside tables, and a whole shelf full of them.

 

She could imagine a much younger version of him, hunched over his desk, reading, or sprawled out of his bed, holding a book in front of him. Kylo had obviously liked to read. She wondered if he still did.

 

Overall, the room surprised her. It was just – a _room_ , the same as any other bedroom in the house.

 

Nothing special.

 

It was only significant because it had been his, and now it wasn’t.

 

She glanced over at him, still standing so close. Some unfathomable expression darkened his face as he scrutinized his old room. All she saw was walls, furniture, books; she wondered what he saw. It occurred to her that standing there, on the threshold to his past, was overwhelmingly significant. She got the feeling that she was at the precipice of some part of him that very few people outside of his family – maybe _no_ _one_ outside of his family – ever got to see.

 

His eyes flickered down to her. Maybe he saw a question in her gaze, or maybe it was hesitation. He very quietly said, “You can go inside.”

 

She didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded and took one brave step forward.

 

She wandered straight to the books, curious to see what sort of things he had read when he’d been younger. First, she went to the desk, then she wandered by the dresser and shelf, before coming to one of his old bedside tables. She picked up the book sitting on top, a copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo._ It looked well-read.

 

“You like novels?” She flipped idly through the pages.

 

He came up behind her, only glancing at what she had picked up before he sat on the edge of his bed. It was probably the first time anyone had done so in years.

 

“Only the classics.”

 

She snorted to herself and shook her head. A smile tugged at her lips. “Of course.” Replacing the book back where she had found it, she turned to find him frowning at her. He crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“What?” He asked.

 

She shrugged. “It just sounds like you, that’s all.” She blinked, then added, “What I know about you, anyway.”

 

He stared at her for a moment, just long enough to make her uncomfortable. “You know more than you think.”

 

A blush started to creep up her neck at his words, at the unbidden memory of the feeling of his arms and how his hair hand brushed her cheek when he’d leaned down to kiss her. She cleared her throat, trying to hide her reaction.

 

He looked a little too large for that bed, far too grown up. And she was an entirely foreign element, out of place in that boy’s room. She had no business being there, not really, and yet there she was. He had allowed her in. It felt very intimate, like learning how a person slept.

 

Or how they kissed.

 

Some sort of magnetic force drew her to him, and she didn’t fight it. He watched her with a piercing gaze, intent on every movement like he didn’t quite know what he expected her to do. She didn’t really know herself. A shiver ran down her spine at being the focus of so much of his attention. He reached out and pulled her close enough to him that she was standing in between his legs with her knees pressed into the side of the bed.

 

Her breath caught, and her hands flew to his shoulders to keep her balance.

 

Her shadow blocked the light, obscuring his eyes in darkness as he gazed up at her. His hands rested at her waist, just high enough to be appropriate for someone she’d only kissed once, if she counted the party - which she _didn't_.

 

“Tell me about yourself.”

 

It was a soft demand, only a little more than a question.

 

It made her aware of a strange sort of imbalance between them – she had found out so much about him in the short time they’d known each other, but what did he know about her? Not that there was very much _to_ know, she mused.

 

She slid her hands around the back of his neck and threaded them together, careful to avoid catching any of his hair. “What would you like to know?”

 

“Anything.”

 

She pressed her lips together as she thought. There wasn’t really anything fascinating about her, as far as she was concerned. She couldn’t imagine that he would find much of it interesting. “I’m good at fixing things.”

 

“What kinds of things?” He asked.

 

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Cars, mostly, or sometimes other machines. I’m a good mechanic.”

 

His eyebrow quirked in the darkness. “Makes sense.” That struck her as a very weird thing to say, but she didn’t get to ask him what he meant before he went on. “Tell me something else.”

 

She made a show of sighing, although it was more put-on than anything. He seemed to really want to know more, and she had to admit that she liked that he was interested.

 

“I make a mean fruit salad.”

 

“Fruit salad?”

 

“Yeah,” she nodded, “but that’s it. I can’t cook.” After a beat, she asked, “Can you?”

 

She could hear the faint amusement in his voice. “Yes, I can cook.”

 

That surprised her a little, although she didn’t know why.

 

His grip on her sides shifted a little, and she let him pull her just a hair closer. His head tilted a little, his attention still entirely focused on her. Or maybe it was more that his attention was entirely _not_ on his old room. “Tell me more.”

 

She lightly tapped her fingers against the back of his neck. “Why don’t you tell me something about you,” she suggested.

 

He frowned. “You’re more interesting.”

 

“Not to me.”

 

The dark still shadowed most of his expression from her, but she could still tell that his frown deepened at her words. He opened his mouth as if he was going to contradict her, but she cut him off first. “How about for every question I answer, you have to answer one of mine, too?”

 

After a moment, he consented. “Okay, fine.”

 

“Okay, so what’s your favorite food?”

 

“Really?” He deadpanned, to which she rolled her eyes.

 

“Yes, _really_. Just answer the question.”

 

“Apricots,” was his immediate answer. She blinked in surprise. “When was the first time you went ice skating?”

 

She frowned, fully aware of what he was referring to. “Two days ago,” was her somewhat grudging admission. Then, because she couldn’t help herself and because she hated beating around the bush, she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve been with your family for Christmas?”

 

It was a touchy subject. She was fully aware that it was. It had the potential to ruin their moment, as well as whatever – _thing_ – was starting between them. She probably shouldn’t have asked.

 

But he answered anyway, and that had to count for something.

 

“Seven years. I haven’t seen my mother at all during that time.” She didn’t know why he felt the need to add that last part, but she understood the secrecy of it for him. It felt significant that he was telling her.

 

Then he asked, “Have you ever been involved with Finn?” Which instantly raised her hackles.

 

She stiffened in his arms and lifted her chin. “That’s not a fair question.”

 

“Yours wasn’t fair,” he pointed out.

 

She still didn’t like it. “Would it bother you if I have?” She asked testily.

 

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and for a brief moment he didn’t respond. “You haven’t answered my question yet,” was all he said when he finally spoke.

 

It wasn’t worth it, she decided, to get overly worked up. Not after she had already asked him such a sensitive question. She could admit that she started it. “No,” she shook her head, “I’m not involved with Finn, and I’ve never been involved with him. We’re _friends_.”

 

She didn’t quite expect his reaction. His shoulders relaxed – she hadn’t even realized how tense they’d gotten – and the line between his brows smoothed out. He exhaled slowly, like he had been holding his breath for her answer.

 

She didn’t expect it to matter to him as much as it did.

 

“Only if you were still involved,” he said.

 

“What?”

 

He shifted a little, but never broke eye-contact. “The answer to your question. It would’ve only bothered me if you had been still involved.”

 

Rey didn’t know what it was; maybe it was something in his tone when he spoke, or the intent look in his eye that told her how much he meant what he said. It made her want to kiss him. But maybe she shouldn't, she told herself. Maybe the mistletoe was a sign that he didn't want to kiss her in general. Maybe it was just her, and she was misreading him entirely.

 

But there was no mistaking the way his gaze lowered to her lips. There was no mistaking the intent behind his hands on her hips. It made her just brave enough to kiss him – really kiss him, of her own volition. And he let her.

 

His hands clenched more firmly around her waist, his fingers digging into her sides as if to hold her in place. The strength of his grip gave her the sense that she was kissing something a little dangerous, teetering on a very sharp edge with her tiny kiss.

 

She loved the way it gave her goosebumps, and she loved the way he sighed into her mouth.

 

This was nothing like their kiss under the mistletoe. It was less forceful, more – _full_.

 

It meant something, because she had leaned in and he had leaned in and yet there was no audience. _She_ had kissed him, and he had reciprocated.

 

It was just them.

 

A wave of nervousness swelled up in her chest at that realization, and she broke the kiss. After taking a moment to steady her racing heart, she opened her eyes to find him staring up at her with a strange frown on his face. He looked at her like he was trying to figure something out about her, like she confused him. He let his hands drop from her sides, resting them on his knees, but lifted a finger to very lightly brush against the fabric of her leggings.

 

“Do you like it here?” His tone was soft, his gaze penetrating. “Have you had a good time since coming?”

 

That was a question she felt good about answering. A smile broke across her face. “I’ve never had a happier Christmas,” she whispered, like it was some great secret between them.

 

“It’s not Christmas for another,” he glanced down at his watch, “seven minutes.”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” her smile didn’t falter as she shook her head. “It’s close enough.” Then she added, “What about you?”

 

He tilted his head. “What about me?”

 

She fidgeted with his hair, twirling the tips of it around her index finger. He had very thick, soft hair. “Are you glad you came?”

 

Kylo leaned back a little, but not enough to dislodge her hands from him. With a twitch of his lips, he said, “Yes.”

 

She understood what he meant.

 

Her cheeks felt too warm for the room, but she hoped that the nighttime hid just how much she flushed at his admission. “Well, good,” she said, trying for nonchalance but failing miserably.

 

Regaining her courage from earlier, she leaned down and pressed one more quick kiss against his lips. She extracted her hands from around his shoulders, but only so that she could plop down beside him on the bed, close enough to him that their arms pressed against each other. Glancing once more around the room, she asked, “Which book was your favorite?”

 

The warmth from his arm sent a shiver down her spine. “I liked _Frankenstein_ as a kid.” He paused, then hummed to himself. “When I got older, I liked _The Vampyre_ and _Melmoth the Wanderer._ ”

 

“Why?” She hadn’t read any of those.

 

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug, momentarily dislodging her arm. He swept his gaze over the books he had piled in his room, considering his answer.

 

“I find monsters…compelling.”

 

Outside the window, the moon passed out from behind a cloud, illuminating the room with its soft silver-blue glow. It made everything seem cold, almost dream-like, as if the room they sat in was truly nothing more than a distant memory conjured by vague recollection and sadness.

 

She took in Kylo’s profile, studied the lines on his face cast in the pale light. Even in the moonlight, she couldn’t make out the details of his eyes. They stayed hidden in shadow, and turned away from her. It made him seem incredibly sad to her.

 

“You should talk to your mom.”

 

His muscles tensed, but he didn’t immediately reply to her. It wasn’t exactly a positive response, but she didn’t think it was particularly negative, either, so she pushed on. “You said yourself that you haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a decade. Even I can tell how much she’s missed you, and how happy she is that you-”

 

“I didn’t ask for your advice.” His tone came out low and biting, but mostly he just sounded exhausted. He still didn’t look at her.

 

Irritation sparked in her chest, a little flame that recoiled against his tone, but she wrestled it back down. “ _No_ , but,” she exhaled slowly, making sure to keep her own tone even, “I just don’t want you to be unhappy.”

 

And she didn’t. They hadn’t known each other for long, but she sincerely wanted him to be happy. She was a little surprised at how much she wanted it.

 

She reached over and laid her hand over his own, gently sliding her fingers in between his. His hand was much larger than hers, his skin was warm to the touch. He startled at the touch, his gaze snapping down to their joined hands. Then his grip tightened around her fingers.

 

He looked over at her, and the light from the moon cast some of the shadows from his eyes, although the brown of his eyes still appeared very dark. He seemed to have decided something.

 

“I want to see you again,” he said. “After the holidays.”

 

Rey couldn’t have helped the grin that broke out on her face even if she wanted to. “Okay.”

 

“You live in the city, right?”

 

“Yeah, I do,” she nodded.

 

“Then I’ll come see you,” he decided. Then he added, “What are your plans for New Year’s Eve?”

 

She laughed a little, a soft little huff of amusement. “It won’t even have been a week since you’ve seen me on New Year’s,” she pointed out.

 

He shrugged. “I don’t care. Do you want to see me?”

 

She lifted her chin as if he had just challenged her. “I want to see you again.”

 

“Then do something with me on New Year’s.”

 

“Okay.” She gave in easily, still smiling as if she didn’t quite know how to stop. It was just a date, she reminded herself, it wasn’t like he was proposing that they move in together. They didn’t even know if they would like each other when they got back to real life.

 

But she was starting to have a good feeling about it.

 

He cupped the back of her had with his free hand and leaned in to kiss her. She smiled into his mouth and sank into the warmth of his touch.

 

“This is the best Christmas ever,” she whispered to him when they had finally broken away from each other. It felt a little ridiculous to say, but she wanted him to know. She wanted him to know that he was a large reason why she was so happy.

 

The smile that broke out across his face almost matched hers, even if for just a second. “I’m glad.”

 

Then he kissed her again.

* * *

 

That Christmas morning was very strange to Finn. First, because it was his first Christmas spent with his father. Even just thinking that was still completely unreal to him.

 

But the second, much weirder thing was that he walked down the stairs to see Rey – his best friend, _Rey_ – huddled together on the couch with Kylo.

 

Now _that_ was unreal.

 

They both looked up when they heard him coming down the stairs. Kylo took a sip from the mug he had in his hand, giving him a look of cool indifference over the rim that Finn returned in full. Rey grinned at him.

 

“Merry Christmas,” She said. “You’re the first one up, I think.”

 

“Yeah, Merry Christmas.” He sat down on one of the chairs opposite the couch. It felt a little bit like abandoning her, but she had obviously chosen to sit next to Kylo. She looked over at him and smiled for no reason at all.

 

The two of them sitting so close together was just weird.

 

And he could tell – there was something there between them, something that hadn’t been there when he’d last seen them the day before. Maybe something happened at the party. But Rey looked happy, and it was her first Christmas with other people, so he decided to save his questions for later.

 

They followed Christmas protocol and didn’t touch any of the presents until the others were up. They didn’t have to wait long; Luke came down and then Leia came down not ten minutes afterwards. Chewie took the longest, and in the end Luke had to go get him out of bed. He slumped on the opposite end of the couch Rey and Kylo were on, half-awake and totally uncaring that it was Christmas.

 

“How long have you guys been waiting?” Luke asked them, already going for the present closest to him to distribute it. “I couldn’t wait if I was in your shoes.”

 

Finn smiled and Rey laughed. “It wasn’t very long,” she assured him. Finn watched as her gaze flickered to Kylo, who was staring at her. The two of them looked like they knew a secret.

 

Luke nodded. “Okay, good. So let’s get this party going.”

 

The presents were distributed. Rey loved the sweater he got her, and the pair of boots. She got him a new pair of slacks. “It’s to replace the ones I ruined,” she explained.

 

He chuckled and shook his head. “Thanks, Rey.”

 

She beamed back at him. It was the happiest he’d seen her since they’d come, and it wasn’t because he liked her gift.

 

He watched them the entire time. Kylo looked at her with intentions that seemed very clear to Finn. Rey kept glancing over at him out of the corner of her eye. They sat so close to one another that their arms brushed, and they never moved away.

 

Rey had some explaining to do later.

 

And by the way that she flushed and looked away when she met Finn’s pointed gaze, she knew it, too.

 

Finally, after all of the presents had been opened, she came over to him. Clutched in her hands was an old copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo_. She crouched down next to his chair, a hesitant smile tugging at her lips.

 

She cleared her throat softly. “So-”

 

“You and Kylo.” He deadpanned.

 

She was blushing profusely, but she didn’t look ashamed. But, then again, she never was. “It’s…new.”

 

He couldn’t help the fond roll of his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll say.”

 

She hewed on her lower lip for a moment. “Are you upset? You look upset.”

 

“I’m not angry,” he assured her. “I’m shocked as hell, but I’m not angry.”

 

“So you’re not upset?”

 

“I’m very, very confused.”

 

She gave a breathy laugh then, a relieved little sigh. He leaned over and gave her a playful nudge with his elbow. “Hey, as long as he’s contributed positively to the whole ‘first Christmas’ thing, then I’m good.”

 

“He has,” she nodded.

 

“See, _that’s_ what’s so surprising.”

 

She smacked him on his arm. “Oh, shut it.” She paused, then added in a whisper, “I’ve got a date with him on New Year’s.”

 

“Oh, god,” he rolled his eyes. “I swear, if I end up having to put up with him for your sake-”

 

“I know you love me,” she grinned.

 

“Yeah, but not your taste in men.”

 

Rey laughed again and shook her head. “You know, I think even I’m starting to think that I have bad taste.”

 

Finn nodded. “It’s because you do.”

 

Kylo came back into the room, drawing her attention away. She smiled at him and stood. “Just so you know, Finn – It’s been a very good Christmas.”

 

“It’s not over yet,” he said.

 

He watched as she went over to him. Kylo had a strange, shuttered expression on his face, but that seemed more-or-less normal for him. Rey said something to him, and he nodded. She said something else to him, but he just gave a noncommittal shrug in response. Then he said something that seemed to excite her.

 

Without saying a word to anybody, they both headed towards the front door. Luke was busy reading through the cookbook Chewie had given him but was really from Leia. Chewie had fallen asleep on the couch a while ago. He assumed Leia was in the kitchen where Kylo had just come from, if the noises of her making breakfast was anything to go by.

 

The two of them pulled on their coats and opened the front door, letting in a rush of icy air. Finn almost said something, but then Kylo leaned down and kissed her. Finn averted his eyes.

 

When he looked back they had separated. Kylo was more angled away from him, but he could see how happy his friend was. She reached up with one hand and smoothed the shoulder of his coat, a little smile lingering on her lips. In her other hand, she still held the copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo._


End file.
